You have recently found out that your partner has cheated on you. You feel devastated, sick to your stomach and angry. You find that you can’t sleep, eat, or enjoy your normal life anymore. You have constant thoughts of revenge and you feel violated because after all you put your trust in them, you believed in your relationship and they have betrayed you. You find yourself caught between wanting to leave and working through it, but how do you decide if you should leave or stay? What do you do?
Here are some things to consider when your spouse or partner has cheated:
- Don’t act impulsively: try to remain calm and gain perspective. Although it is perfectly natural to feel like you want to get revenge, it is not wise to call, confront, or make a scene with the third party. Any impulsive decision you make fueled by your anger can have serious consequences. Instead reach out to your support network and honor your feelings.
- Have a conversation: It is important to talk to your spouse about what you have found out and to ask them to end the affair. If your spouse agrees to end the affair all communication with the third party need to be stopped.
- Seek Help: An affair is a very serious crisis in a relationship and you and your spouse will need the help of a trained counselor to decide how to proceed, heal and explore the causes that led to the affair in the first place. You do not have to go through this alone.
- Be Honest: It is very important to remain honest with your-self and your partner in this process. Learn with the help of a counselor to identify and communicate your needs to your partner. An affair often times is an escape, or a symptom that there is something not working well in your relationship, not the problem. Use this opportunity to solve those issues and work on renewing your partnership.
- Have Hope: Many relationships face infidelity (1 in 4), but for you this does not have to end in divorce. Many people choose to work through it and they come out having a stronger, newer, healthier relationship. It is possible, if you are open to working together to discover what lead to the problem, forgiving and repairing the hurt.
Although the ultimate decision of staying or leaving are not as clear cut, and there are many determining factors to consider while making that decision, give your-self time to heal and gain perspective. You deserve to understand what went wrong in the relationship and why your spouse made the choice to be unfaithful.
For more information or if you are ready to seek counseling, please feel free to email me or call me at [email protected] or call 949-424-3084 to schedule an appointment.