We are meant to live in relationship with people. This is when we find ourselves to be most fulfilled - that is - when these relationships are positive and bring about the best version of us. However, what happens when conflict arises? When we are filled with the daily stresses of life and we don’t give our relationships the constant priorities that they deserve? When the kids tug at us for attention and we no longer have adult time? We lose connection with our significant other and we start to feel unfulfilled with our partners.
I have spent many hours counseling couples and treating families in the past 15 years in practice and the one thing that I hear over and over again is I wish we would have come in to work on our marriage sooner. Counseling is an investment that you make on your relationship. The alternative is divorce and 100 percent of the people that I have treated did not get married to get divorced.
So, if divorce is not an option, and you are on the fence about counseling, here are some helpful things you and your partner can do to reconnect now:
1. 15 minutes of Daily Contact: Start by setting 15 minutes of daily check in contact with your spouse at the end of the day. It is important to start with an attitude of gratitude - by that I mean finding something to tell them that you find amazing about them. Next, exchange new information about your day and ask about their day (Take turns to really listen and pay attention) and lastly, end with positivity. This could look like a hug, a kiss, or a simple, thanks for listening.
2. Create Date nights: I can’t express how important this is for your marriage. Relationships take investment. The best way we show our spouses that they are loved is by spending time with them. If you are not willing to invest time and energy in your marriage or your relationship it simply will not grow. I encourage you to clear your schedules and make time for the one who means the most in your life.
3. Boundaries: This mean safe proofing your marriage against a busy life schedule, the influence of friends and families and disconnecting from your cell phone. Yes, your iPhone has an off button! Once you actually start saying no to all the other social engagements that keep you away from spending time together, you will begin to magically reconnect effortlessly. Be protective of your marriage. Have the courage to stand up to others and put your spouse first.
4. Be each other’s cheerleaders: Encourage each other. Yes, your partner needs word of encouragement! It means a lot to get them from you. Develop a sense of humor, learn to laugh at your mistakes. Don’t sweat the small stuff, give praise and look for the positive in them. Remember to concentrate in their good qualities, not the negatives or what they need to improve.
5. Is it good or healthy for us? When you start thinking of your relationship in terms of us and not just you, your perspective changes. So, before you make any decision, get in the habit of asking yourself this very important question. You will know what the right answer is for the both of you if you take the time to pause and think before you act.
So here you have it! Five tips that will help you reconnect with your partner today. That is all you need to get started. If you would like to learn more such as: what is my husband/wife’s love language? What else can I do to connect with my partner, please contact me at Silvana@CharisonCounseling.com
